I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
