I love black thongs
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
