so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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