I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i already hear my dad disowning me
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
