You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
