We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
