My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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