I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
