oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
