How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
