He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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