I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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