I got chris browned last night
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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