i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
