Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
