dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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