I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
