Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Michael Bay diarrhea
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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