just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
