my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
