No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Dick very happy bro
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
