So drunk its hurt
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
