I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
