I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
