There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He? As in you personified your dick?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
