I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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