She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Let's paint friendship bongs
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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