i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
