My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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