My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
