what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
