matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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