Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
