i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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