i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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