it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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