and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
