you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
