the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
