i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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