I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
