the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
