Will you blow on my dice?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
we're so committed to being not committed
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
