I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
