Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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