it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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