i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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