the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
