So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
