She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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