So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
