wanna go halves on a baby?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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