I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I cut my penus on the lid.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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